Smile Because it Happened

My friend Shani always says "Don't cry because its over, smile because it happened." I know she is quoting Dr. Seuss but when I repeat it in my head, it is always Shani's voice. It's a great reminder for me though. I tend to get overly emotional at the end of any era (or vacation, or book, or movie). The image of Shani saying this to me has become a tool I use often to help put things into perspective.

I brought this tool out the first week of June. It was the last day of the school year. I always love the last day of school...it means free time with my kids, beautiful weather, sleeping in, playing in the lake, family vacations, visits from family and friends, campfires....

This year was a little different though. My oldest child, Luci, graduated from elementary school and will move on to Middle School for fifth grade in the fall (unless I homeschool of course). Seems silly for me to greive at the end of a school year, I know, but it was such a good year for Luci. I loved her teacher. She is listed in my gratitude journal (#153). She knows Luci....she gets her. She really helped her excel in areas where she has struggled. She came to Luci's softball games. Not every teacher does that. So, anyway, I was already feeling a little sad in anticipation of this day. Then I heard about the "clap out".

 Apparently, every year, all the teachers and children of the school come out of their classrooms and line the hallways in applause while the graduating 4th graders walk through. Brad and I went to clap along. It was quite moving...yes I teared up! But I wasn't the only crying mom.,,,or child even. Fynn said he came out of his 1st grade class to clap as Luci walked by. When she saw him she gave him a high five. He turned around to go back into the classroom and burst into tears. 

Anyway, these obvious moments that mark the passing of time are what leave me feeling so emotional. They help me remember to cherish every moment. But I still need to hear Shani's voice in my head telling me not to cry because it's over but to smile because it happened.

My Big Red Umbrella

Three weeks after the end of ski season, the residents of our town of Whitefish have been enjoying unseasonably warm weather.  Honestly - I was wearing flip flops the morning before I put on my snowboard boots on for the last time this year. Typically in this area, Spring is our coldest season, at least in my opinion. It is also known as Baseball Season in Montana....the season in which I typically get the most out of my down coat. Not this year...not so far.

Each morning this week we've woken up to sunshine and birds singing. After Luci and Fynn are off to school, Myli and I make what we call, "second breakfast". We fry our eggs in coconut oil and black pepper (delish), place them on a bed of fresh spinach and top them off with tomatoes, avocado, parmesan cheese, and some Franks Redhot Sauce. Add a side of fresh fruit and berries....well, that's a nicely balanced and quite aesthetically pleasing meal. (mmmmm, sorry I got sidetracked....I may have to get up to make "midnight breakfast") Anyway, lately we have been excitedly taking our second breakfast outside to enjoy in the sunshine. We've been sitting at the table on the back patio under the big red umbrella. After we eat I've been bringing out my coffee and my journal and some paper and markers for Myli.

I love writing in my journal. I actually have several different journals I write in regularly. My dear friend gave me a book last year called "A Thousand Gifts" which inspired me to keep a journal of all the gifts I have in my own life. I haven't made it to one-thousand yet but I'm sure I'll get there and beyond. The book showed me how to see everything in life in a new light. I learned to open my eyes again and really see the small details of this world that would otherwise go unnoticed or even be viewed as a negative. Often I don't even see the gift until way after the fact when I think....."ohhhh, that's why that happened." Writing about my gifts....all the bits of my life for which I am thankful (tired of this subject yet?) really makes my heart swell. I'll write and stop and look out into the trees and then write again. On this day, Myli would study me and then color again. "What do you keep looking at Mommy?" "Hmmm? Oh nothing really, just enjoying it all." A few minutes later I noticed Myli looking out into the green belt behind our house in the same way. She whispered, "look at the baby deer." I took it all in and then wrote, "Gift #192 Quietly watching the baby deer in the sunshine behind our house with my baby girl."

Just then, it started to rain....really hard. I didn't even know there was a cloud. The sun was still shining through the downpour as bright as could be. We were in awe. Our big red umbrella kept us and the things on our table completely dry - we were in our own little warm bubble safely watching it rain on the world.

I thought about that for several minutes. The picture seemed to take on more meaning. You see, I'd been trying to describe, in my other journal that morning,  my deep fear of cancer. There are waves that come and go in my life when I feel like I'm praying for so many families who are being torn apart by this disease. Women I know, my own age, with children, being beaten by this disease. Children I know being beaten by this disease. My own dad was beaten by this disease. It terrifies me and just the idea of it coming into our lives threatens my sanity. The same word repeats in my head again and again. Why? Why them? Why not me? (I feel physically ill even writing that question.) I make my brain go straight to a page in my lesson book from Faith Formation at our church where I teach fourth grade. In huge font, it spells it out. "Worry about nothing, pray about everything." That's right, (breathe), that's right. Worry about nothing. Pray about everything. I prayed again for the families. The ones getting poured on right now while we sit happy and dry and warm under our big red umbrella. The sun is still shining on them, even through the rain. God loves us through all the pain and sadness in this world. Right now, we get to just take it all in. Trust and enjoy our lives while we support those who need us. We need to trust our journey (like my t-shirt Brad gave me says to do - I think I'll wear that tomorrow)

Gift #193 Every moment on this earth with children and family.

Gift # 194 The ability to appreciate all the ups and downs life has to offer.

Gift #195 My big red umbrella and the sun that shines through the rain.

Third Child Syndrome (TCS)

Even at the age of five, our third and last child, Myli, has been my perpetual baby.  A few weeks ago when I was at my mom's house, I told Myli it was time to go "ni-night". My mom looked at me incredulously. "Did you just say 'ni-night'? You know she is 5 years old, right?" That wasn't the only time during the visit that it was brought to my attention I still treat Myli like a toddler. I often find myself carrying her on my hip. I've even been known to spoon feed her when I notice she hasn't finished her dinner. I know, it's kind of sick. At least she isn't still nursing. (Not that there is anything wrong with that.)


From Myli's point of view, that is the plus side to having TCS (Third Child Syndrome). The down side is that she has been a constant (and loyal) spectator of life....on the sidelines of her two siblings' (Luci and Fynn) activities for the last 5 years. Always watching, never participating. They've done gymnastics, tee ball, dance, soccer. Myli has always been along for the ride and totally under the radar. (I seriously have been in denial that my last child is growing up). During the summer we have always ridden our bikes to the beach on Whitefish Lake, to the farmer's market, to the ice cream shop downtown. It was just easier to put her in the bike trailer while Luci and Fynn would ride their bikes. She hasn't even really ever had a bike. She never complained - honestly I don't think it even occurred to her that she'd been missing out on anything.


Well apparently this will be the summer of Myli. She just signed up for the Youth Track Program WITH Luci and Fynn and and she loves it. She is now being cheered for BY Luci and Fynn while playing on her tee-ball team....highly entertaining. She plays wiffle ball in the street with Luci and Fynn and their friends and can totally hold her own. (don't worry, we live in a very safe, low traffic, double cul de sac - don't call CPS on me!) And.....last weekend....we bought her a bike. Gently used from her older friend, Xochy, it couldn't be more perfect for her. She loves it so much, I thought she was going to bring it in and sleep with it the first night. Forget training wheels, we had no time to waste. She was riding all on her own within 24 hours. She was so proud - we were so proud. Luci and Fynn were SO VERY proud. On Monday, while the other kids were at school, pretty much all Myli and I did was practice. Rain or shine.....(it did both), I'd run along at first but soon she was on her own and would go to the end of the cul de sac and circle back to me. At one point she stopped, put down the kick stand, and ran inside. "Be right back!!!" She came back a moment later with a bottle of bubbles. "Okay, Mom, every time I come back to you, blow bubbles on me please!"


(Whatever you heart desires, Little Sister)


The first time she came around grinning ear to ear amidst a sea of bubbles, I thought my heart was going to explode. Such is life with my little baby, Myli Mo. - pure joy!


We spend our days like this. Riding bikes, sitting on the porch reading a book while I drink my morning cup of coffee, blowing bubbles, drawing with sidewalk chalk. She starts Kindergarten in the fall - I'll happily soak up as many of these moments as I can. I've had the privilege of enjoying this age with each of my three kids. I am one very lucky mama.


(But seriously....why does it seem like the laundry is rapidly reproducing in my closet and bedroom?)

Wait ~ how many kids do I have?

I was lying in bed last night going through the list in my head like most mothers I know do. Is everything done? The house locked up, everything turned off? Kids homework done? Did they do their reading? Baths? Did I make tomorrow's lunches? (Whatever - I'll do that in the morning.) Did I say a prayer over each child and give one more kiss before I got in bed?  That's when I remembered what Myli (my 5 year old baby) whispered half asleep when I kissed her again around midnight. "Did you put my babies to bed, Mama?"

She had wanted to do this before I put her to bed but I told her it was too late - it is actually a very long process she has. So she asked me to do it for her and I agreed as I was tucking her in. "Mama, their pajamas are laid out next to their beds. They each have a special teddy bear and a blanky and I sing them a song and scratch their backs." I'm thinking, "sure, sure, okay, time to go to sleep, little girl. (sheesh)"

So I'm lying in bed in my totally dark bedroom in my totally dark house, half asleep already when I remember this forgotten task. I imagine her getting up in the morning to wake up her babies only to discover they never went to bed. She'll never trust me again! I weigh the pros and cons. Sooo do not want to get up out of my cozy bed.

Five minutes later I'm chuckling as I'm crouched down on the floor of Myli's room in my underwear and  wrestling one of many baby dolls into her too small jammies. I laugh even harder as I tuck each one into a little bed Myli set up and place a tiny teddy bear (where did these even come from??) under each of their arms. Now, just between us, I skipped the bed time song and back scratching, but I still went to sleep feeling satisfied with the completion of my to do list.

This morning I woke up to Myli running into our room and throwing her arms around my neck. "Thanks for putting my babies to bed, Mommy!"

I guess I made the right choice. What a beautiful way to wake up.